Jesus Calms a Storm: On that day, when evening had come, he said to them, “Let us go across to the other side.” And leaving the crowd, they took him with them in the boat, just as he was. And other boats were with him. And a great windstorm arose, and the waves were breaking into the boat, so that the boat was already filling. But he was in the stern, asleep on the cushion. And they woke him and said to him, “Teacher, do you not care that we are perishing?” And he awoke and rebuked the wind and said to the sea, “Peace! Be still!” And the wind ceased, and there was a great calm. He said to them, “Why are you so afraid? Have you still no faith?” And they were filled with great fear and said to one another, “Who then is this, that even the wind and the sea obey him?”
In the last few weeks God convicted my heart with the story in Mark 4 when Jesus calms the storm. This last year is what I would consider one of the biggest, scariest storms of my life, by far. Just as my last semester began last September 2011, I reached a place of complete and utter burn out. Not being the ideal time to get mono and letting go of my aspirations or any hope of getting A’s (or B’s or C’s), it was my aim to just make it out of Moody alive (and hopefully with a degree). After several months of not getting better as I had hoped once the symptoms of Mono were gone, we left Chicago though I was still exhausted, unable to sleep, and incapable of handling even the slightest stress (eg getting dressed, deciding what to eat, deciding what to do with myself now that I had no homework or job). I had hoped that in some way that resting for the next month before Chris and I moved to Colorado would be what I needed to begin to feel like myself again. I was wrong. After weeks (after what had already been months) I finally saw a doctor who confirmed that I no longer had Mono and believed that I was most likely suffering from some form of Depression. Chris and I left Wisconsin with a car full of our belongings trusting that God knew what He was doing and I began taking medication in the hopes that I would begin to feel like myself again. After about 2 months the anti-depressant had had no effect***, and our doctor back in Wisconsin recommended I see a doctor in Colorado that could better care for me than he could from so far away. My mom was familiar with a Christian ministry out of Colorado Springs called Health Quarters and asked me if I would consider seeing a Naturopathic Doctor there. Long story short I was a classic case of what the Doctor there refers to as Adrenal Exhaustion. (Read more here).
After about a month of a drastic change in what I was eating, and taking several supplements recommended by this doctor, I began to regain my energy and desire to be actively engaged in my life. About this same time God also resolved several other trails that Chris and I had been struggling through for the last few months.
Back to the story in Mark 4:35-41
I realize now that in the storm that I went through last year, I truly felt like Jesus was sleeping, uncaring and unaware of my troubles.
Just as the disciples woke him, I often prayed “Don’t you care that I’m perishing?” But Jesus does care, and he can calm any storm with just a word. “Quiet, Be Still!” he said, and the storm, the wind and the waves which I thought were going to consume me have ceased.
I feel Christ look to me and ask (gently as he does), “Why are you so afraid? Do you still have no faith?” And I am left astounded, awestruck, “Who is this? Even the wind and the waves obey him.”
He has calmed the ‘raging storm’ that I thought was nearly consuming me last year, and has brought me back to a place where I believe I truly met the Lord for the first time, in the gardens of the Bible school here in New Zealand.How sweet it is to walk back and sit on the patch of grass where God first assured my heart fully that I am loved by him.
We are facing many new challenges, and I am personally still processing how hard this last year has been. But for now, we are in a season of rest, new adventures and healing.
Chris has also been deeply moved by God in the last month, we are full of gratitude. See his personal post here.
*** I want to be clear that I am in no way communicating that Depression is not a real clinical issue, and that anti-depressants do not help people. I believe fully that there are people that are deeply affected by this clinical issue, and have personal friends that anti-depressants have truly made it possible for them to function properly. Just because the particular one that I tried did not work for me does not mean that another might not have helped, or that it may not work for someone else. I believe the Adrenal Fatigue was at the root of my ‘burnout,’ but do not deny that Depression is a real thing that some people are faced with. Please email me (carlymainland@yahoo.com) with any thoughts or questions on this issue.
The Mainlands 