Don’t be afraid to dream

As I flipped through my friends Europe pictures, I was completely enchanted by this one beautiful place.

The little houses and the steep peaks reflected across the mountain lake as the church steeple stood out prominently in the middle, and the little boats floated across, and the clouds hung low, in wispy strokes across the dark mountain backdrop. Was there a more charming and breathtaking place in the world? I didn’t believe that there was, and in that moment I started to dream about the beauty of Austria. The chalets, and flowery fields, little lake towns, and dramatic mountains. My friend had recently returned from attending Bible school in Austria, a sister school to the one I had attended in New Zealand, and the idea of one day going there myself planted in my heart. I visualized the perfect dream job, being an RA at the Bible school and living in this gorgeous country. There wasn’t (and still isn’t) a ministry that I had encountered that my heart so connected with, that I could dream of working with more. To work at one of the Bible schools would be such an honor having been so transformed during my time as a student, and if I was going to dream wild- Austria seemed like the most perfect place in the world to do it.

I remembered this place… what was it called?… oh it didn’t matter, I remembered how it looked, and there was no where like it in the whole wide world (this was before I found out that the Chinese love it so much they have actually replicated the whole town in China) and just the image of it became my fantasy of the perfect place- my go-to whenever someone asked where I’d like to travel in the world if I could go anywhere. (I also had no idea it was Austria’s oldest and most picturesque town. Dating back to the 8^th century BC it is thought to be the first civilized society in Europe and the entire Hallstatt region has been declared a World Heritage Site by UNESCO, joining the ranks of other prestigious sites such as the pyramids of Giza, the ruins of Pompei, the Great Wall of China, and the Galapagos Islands in Ecuador.)

Hallstatt.

A few months later I confessed to Jesus in a journal that it was truly a desire of my heart to someday be an RA at Tauernhof (the Bible school in Austria) as I made a list of things I knew God was asking me to lay down at His feet and trust into His care. I was riding in a greyhound bus with a boy I was falling in love with, and we were sharing our desires for the future with one another. I didn’t mention Austria, actually I kept my desires completely hidden from him, and myself, until I decided to confess them in my journal. I finally got real as this boy, Chris, encouraged me to trust God with my desires, rather than deny them and pretend I wanted nothing so God could just lay His plan out for my life. I finally began to see that admitting my desires to God and then placing them in His hands was really what faith was about, that it was actually my lack of faith that caused me to ‘pretend’ like I didn’t want anything at all. If I didn’t want anything then I couldn’t be disappointed if it didn’t happen. Somehow denial felt safer, when in actuality when I was in a state of denial, withholding these things from Jesus, I was actually ‘protecting’ myself from His blessing, from His leading, from really being open to how He wanted to work, in and through and beyond my heart’s desires.

So I made my list. Austria was there, along with a few other things, and this boy’s name was also there at the bottom. I was afraid to trust God with these things- but was finally faced with how ridiculous the idea was that I could hide them from Him, I was really hiding from myself. I wrote them down and said ‘Jesus please have your way in each of these desires.’ Because, really, the only dreams we should fear are the ones that we can’t trust into His care.

I am humbled by the way He has ‘had His way’ in my life. There have been some pretty difficult seasons- moments of painfully letting go of things I held dear, that I tried to grasp with all my might, and often surrendered because I had to believe that He knew better than me. I was reminded again this week by a great Bible teacher, and I have to believe that it is true- that when God says ‘no’ it’s because He has something better in store. I am so humbled by the desires He has fulfilled.

The moment I finally walked down the streets of Hallstatt will forever be a reminder to me of God’s love, His grace and that He knows better than me. And I am so thankful to have had this opportunity to work at the Bible school here. Is it possible that God placed this desire in my heart? That the fear we often have that we will pursue our own desires over Gods could be completely irrelevant in situations where God has given us a desire that He desires to fulfill?

Don’t hide from yourself by trying to hide things from God. Hold loosely to the things you think will make you happy and chase Jesus with a wild abandon. Don’t be afraid to dream.

PS….

Hallstatt also has lots of adorable cats everywhere- another thing I didn’t know, but confirms it IS the most perfect place in the whole world!