Chris and I read this little Advent book before Christmas, and this one chapter really made me cry. Ann wrote and it broke my heart.
“You have got to use the life you’ve been given to give others life.”
And she talks about Esther, and how “you’ve got to use your position inside the gate for those outside the gate –or you’re in the position of losing everything.”
Because here we are, with food in our fridge, clothes in our closet, a roof over our heads- richer than 75 percent of the world. “We are the ones living inside the gate.”
And she talks about Jesus, laying it all down, coming outside the gate of glory and stepping into our poverty, and making a way back in. And how instead of saying ‘if I perish, I perish,” He DID perish for us, He didn’t just risk His life for our sake, He gave it up.
And we are called to do the same. We are freed to see that all that we have is gift, and given to us in order that HIS will may be done, that others may be brought inside the gate, we are blessed to be a blessing, and I am feeling so abundantly blessed and aching to be the blessing.
And I read this book about this sweet girl named Katie. And she left this all behind and after a year of being in Africa she has a home full of little girls who depend on her as their mother, for food, for love, education, for life. And I think about how much we have, and how much need there is, and I’m overwhelmed.
And I watch a recent Hollywood film, the drama of someone dying on Christmas, and two men comforting him, with nothing more they can offer- a man missing his family as he showers off the dirt of war— and I think about how comfortable, how safe, how blood and hunger free we are… and I want to get my hands dirty.
And we spend a few months with our families. Thinking that we are staying with my parents so that we can be a blessing to them as my dad recovers from a recent surgery… and how humbling it is when we expect to BE the blessing, and we are the ones exponentially blessed. My mom found used furniture for us, often coming home with something different in the back of her car, and my dad helped me paint it with his left arm; they helped drive our little truck of stuff half way across the country. They fixed, and moved, sorted and shined, and our apartment is so homey, and its funny how we thought we were taking this time out for them.
We left Austria in December, and have spent time with our families since then, preparing to move to our new home in Colorado. Our families blessed us beyond belief in the past few months, and here we are in this new place and I am bursting at the seams, wanting to BE the blessing-
Knowing deep in my heart that nothing we have been given is for us alone, that He has given that we might give to others, that we may participate in this life we have been given in the self-sacrificing one, Jesus. So that we may give up of ourselves and bring others to the Father.
And though we have been given so much, I feel so inadequate to make any real difference in someone else’s life… and I remember that it’s not my job to change hearts, and that what good comes is fruit of His work in me… and I am humbled as I remember how He worked despite us in the past- and promises to continue His good work…
And I read this blog post this morning… and Lent is upon us again… and I cried as I read it to Chris about the boy who used his Christmas money to buy his mom a toilet, and the little girl who used hers to buy her mother medicine… and I think about how much we have to give.
We are beginning a new season. One of consistency, stability, putting down roots, and staying awhile. We asked for this in the last few months… at the end of a season in which we had lost all the consistency and stability we had placed in this world, we pulled up our roots, surrendered our bank account, and didn’t stay anywhere longer than 5 months. We prayed that we would be able to find our sufficiency in Jesus, and as we were blessed again and again by others during this time, we asked that eventually He would allow us to be the blessing. We asked for a home, not out of necessity, as HE is all we need, but out of a desire to create a space of rest, safety, warmth and love that we could invite others into. We asked for the opportunity to live in community with others, where we can further discover what it means to be His body. We asked, and this new home and community has graciously been stewarded to us… and my heart swells at the idea of how others might be blessed here.
And yet, my heart stirred as I discovered that here we are at Lent again. In some ways this past season has been one of fasting from certain things, while feasting on others… and now that we have been given that which we have gone without, I feel that it is necessary to surrender those things that we so often thoughtlessly indulge in…
And I read this verse… and I wonder, who are the poor in my life?
“Whoever is generous to the poor lends to the Lord, and He will repay him in full.” (Proverbs 19:17)
And what can I give up in this time, to better face my humanity, better appreciate His sacrifice, and what can we go without so others can have what they need?
We don’t know yet, but trust He will lead us.
And meanwhile we thank Him for the beginning of a new season. A home. A community. An office and a routine. And we thank Him for so many of you that have joined us on this journey, for loving and supporting us, and we ask for vision on how to use ALL that He has given us for His kingdom, His glory, and the sake of others.
It has been quiet on the blog- but here are some visuals (from my phone) to fill in the gaps of the past few months.
The Mainlands 